What am I doing with my life?

When I sat down in February and scheduled three months’ worth of blog posts, I thought by the time I wrote this post that I’d be getting ready to leave.

I had no idea that Corona would shut down the world for two+ months. Or that I’d been in lockdown in the DR, enjoying my time in the Caribbean but not actually going out and seeing much of anything.

I also didn’t think I’d be staying on for three more months.

I’ll be leaving in mid-August, after their summer program. Then I really will have to go home because my sister is expecting a baby and my mom will be flying out to see her and I’ll be running the house. Besides, I want to see my sister and my family too.

A number of people, both here on campus and other friends, ask if I plan to come back or stay longer.

Honestly, I don’t know. I know I’m going to miss this place so much when I leave. The thought of never seeing these people again, or the rolling mountains and lush countryside, or the dogs roaming the streets, or all the little stalls for fruit, or the store-fronts open to the weather…I’m going to be sad when I leave.

I feel a little terrible that I’ll probably miss this place more when I go home than I missed home when I came here. Though also, I know I’m going back home eventually but when I leave here I have no idea if I’ll see it again. So there is a difference.

But who knows what God has in store for me? Six months ago I just found out CMA was a thing. Now I’ve been here for three months and will be for another three. Well, two and two-thirds if we’re getting specific. I’m learning to live, to do the best I can where I’m at, and waiting for the next step in excitement instead of stressing because I don’t have everything lined up.

I’ve been learning a lot recently. Things about God. Things about myself. There are so many little things and not so little things. Like random encouragement from friends. God providing support for my summer here within two days of me asking. A lecture here. A book there. It’s been amazing.

Even with learning to let go of my control on life, I’ve not completely got rid of lists or any such. I still have all the color-coded yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily goals. Because I need some sort of map. But there’s so much less stress on getting them done and so much more focus on doing what is in front of me and taking each day as it comes.

Not to mention building relationships with students. Watching them laugh as we play games. Teasing the boys like my brothers. Getting their reactions when I ask to borrow a staff so I can pole-vault across the lawn too. It’s great. Amazing. Awesome. All the rest.

I can’t wait to see what the summer brings.

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