Nothing is ever enough. The money we make. The respect we earn. The satisfaction in a job well done. No matter the tears and sweat we pour into ourselves, into others, and into projects—in the end we are left, surrounded by all we have gained and wondering, is there ever a point where we will be satisfied with what life?
Each mask hides another,
Veil on tear-stained veil.
Each tattered page of my heart
Inked and stamped and sealed
In the shadows of my mind.
Why do we write? Authors put hours and weeks and months into a project. They pound their head against walls, or sometimes against keyboards to see if any of the gibberish that results has merit.
And for what?
A few dollars, perhaps? A glowing review? Someone somewhere kinda knowing their name?
So I just had a birthday.
To put it in the terms my family uses, we celebrated me surviving another year and coming one year closer to death.
I’ve told you all about Realm Makers. I’ve mentioned it’s amazing to be among ‘your’ people and wear costumes. I’ve mentioned it is inspiring. I may not have mentioned that a common theme of several speakers this year was depression.
Confession time: I don’t actually whip through projects as fast as some people think. More than once I’ve gotten the question ‘how are you so productive?’ I suppose for people watching me, it might be a logical question. For me, standing amid the chaos I like to call my life, I’m just like ‘what things? I’m getting things done?’
As hard as it is for my focused, goal-oriented mind to sometimes comprehend, life is about more than writing.
It’s even about more than marketing, or readers, or that next book I finish reading myself.
I’m a very cynical person sometimes.
You might already know that.
The screen in the corner blinks from 4:00 to 3:59. Glass shatters in the distance. Tense music fills the small room. An ominous voice warns us of the consequences if we don’t succeed in stealing back a painting before the museum opens. We gather up the final clues, solving them as we go. Another minute down. A stuck door.